What to say when there’s so much to say, is probably the best time to say nothing at all. Yet maybe, it’s also the right time to speak on matters of taboo, and moments that may not always enthral. To live life in fear of failure, is to miss the point of life itself. And to hide behind the curtains of who we truly are, is to function within existence rather than experience the fullness of life in awe. Why hold back on all that is real, when you can open the gates of prison that suppress, compress and control.
I am a person of integrity, and after years of an inner battle with silence, I believe in speaking one’s truth. I also believe we are here for more than one reason, other than to know and experience love and the magnificence of Mother Earth in all her beauty and awe. We must also know fear and all of its dark attributes too. We have all known and experienced both, yet what stands out most for me is the great awareness it has gifted me, along with deep self knowing and purpose.
I am me, and I may be a little weird or crazy at times. But then, how do you define weird, as opposed to normal? And what is normal? If normal is in agreeance with hive mind thought and stagnation in social conformity, give me weird and crazy any day! I can also be reclusive and disappear into my cave.. and sometimes for a whole year! Over time I have come to understand that this is where I would learn more about me and who I am, by going within and allowing myself to feel and know complex, and at times painful emotions that I was experiencing at the time, and that could also have easily been denied and pushed down. I’m not perfect, in fact… far from it. But I’m honest with myself and others, and it’s from here where true freedom and soul creation begins.
I came to an understanding some time back, that people pleasing could no longer be a part of who I am. Not only is it a false world of neediness and manipulation, but it’s also a world of fake love and false light. I’ve come to know the difference between being there for friends and family where possible, and suppressing my truth to please the needs of others. This may not make for the most fluffy or reliable person in the eyes of some, but there is one thing I can guarantee.. and that is my truth and honesty. I won’t lie, cheat, maim or blame, nor will I profess to love all when I don’t. Yet ask me what I think, or ask what I feel.. and you can rest assured of the answer you may or may not seek. It won’t be cushioned or filled with false light, but with respect, I will share the truth of what’s there.
In relation to misguided love, personal pain and battles, we all have ways of dealing with hardship in our lives, and some face more than others. Some face short bouts, and others have never-ending challenges. Rather than judging someone for their baggage, I respect their journey with an understanding that this is where they have chosen to be in their life. We all have our journey and we all have pain and struggle to some degree. If we could just respect each others’ journeys, without expectation or approval for the choices we make, and with just a little understanding for the journey that person is on. When we become angry, annoyed or frustrated with others for their choices and chosen path, it only serves as a losing inner battle that often leads to resentment, misunderstanding and childish acts of group isolation and outcast.
Let this not be mistaken with judgement however, as let’s face it.. everyone judges another and everyone has an opinion. It’s one thing to respect another’s journey, whilst in opinionated silence. But to suppress judgement in the face of evil that will try to tear you down on its determined journey of discredit and destruction… this is where discernment is a healthy and needed commodity of stance and vital barrier enforcement.
It’s now more than ever, during challenging times of upheaval and shift for so many, that we need to stand forthright in our uniqueness, whilst acknowledging unity with the world around us. With so much anger, resentment and dislike in the world, causing community dissection and divided factions, where the fueling of hate and denigration lead to the very atrocities that occur in the wars we purport to abhor and revile. What will it take to see that we have actually become those wars? So above and so below. Live and let live is my mantra, and live with authentic reign of who you are with purpose of will and a healthy discernment of what is and what isn’t, along the path of life in the black, the white, the colour and grey.
And so after my eternal experience in Dark Night of the Soul, now when I’m feeling down I look at the cause and I face it down, and move on to greener pastures of life. I no longer haul along my baggage, for it no longer serves my path. I leave it behind without looking back, for where may it take me when I’m determined for a life that will keep me on track. And so I continue on my path like the great waterfall and running waters of life where I walk with the beauty of Mother Earth, who will lift the clouds of grey that may veil and threaten my heart and worth.
It is true that to deny our emotions is to deny the expression of the many aspects of self. But there are way too many unnecessary battles going on in the world, from both within and without, where I have now chosen to let go and walk the path of truth, whilst also respecting the paths of others. By letting go, rather than holding on to to all that may remain bubbling within the depths of the moors, I have chosen to leave it all behind in my trek around the mysteries of Earth, in her beauty in surrounding darkness and timeless wonder and girth.
Indeed, what to say when you have nothing to say, when the truth is.. you can feel it spilling over like a shaken bottle of sparkling wine. To go within and soul search with the heart in the right place and eyes of new, one may rightly have very little to say at times. Yet during times of quiet, I listen to my heart as it speaks volumes.. in presence, conscious thought and raw naked truth.